Depression

Depressed today, from morning to evening. Struggled with trivial things. Suddenly, I lose my temper and direction. What on earth I'm doing here？ W talked to me. On the way home, I asked you: did his words come from you? Is it actually you who talked to me this afternoon, through him? Or Satan's lie to make me work harder and harder? How do I rely on you?

Dear Jesus, you talked to Father every day, you knew Him totally. You knew His heart. You knew your own way, although tough. But what about me? I don't know my way ahead. I only know you. Sometimes I can't see your guidance. Can't hear your voice either.

I want to escape from those tough decisions I have to make. I want to go home for several days, to have a rest, and to think over about those things. Am I too willful?

This verse came to my mind. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." If it's your will, I'd like to deny myself. I feel exhausted! Give me your peace and strength! And your answer!