What to do?

Dear Jesus,

What should I do at the moment like this?
What would you do if you were I at the moment like this?

Pray? I did. But may not with all my heart. I thought you should take care of me.
You said do not lose heart. I just hung up the phone. Now I tell you I lost my heart.

They are chatting and laughing. But I can't join. Everyone is watching. They don't say it. But I can feel it. Am I too sensitive?

I'll stay in the office for a while. I don't know where to go. When I'm at home alone, I feel like a loser and I humiliated your name. It's unbearable. Even prayers didn't guarantee a good sleep.

What's wrong with me? Is it a lesson that I should have learned before? Since I haven't learned, lesson repeats. Am I too performance driven? Am I result orientated? Am I over confident? Am I lazy? Can't I bear any failure? Did I take your grace for granted?

Forgive me for those questions. I'm so broken. I'm like Job now, complaining. I say positive words, but I keep complaining inside. I spent my time waiting, waiting for the miracle. But I've been tired of waiting.

But You, O LORD, are a shield about me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head.
I was crying to the LORD with my voice,
And He answered me from His holy mountain.
Psalm 3:3-4

我要歌唱你的大慈爱到永远

我的神，我的父，我的磐石，我敬拜你，
你的慈愛，豐盛的慈愛，永遠屹立不變，建立到萬代。

我的神，我的父，我的拯救，我讚美你，
你的信實，恆久的信實，永永遠遠堅立天上。

我要歡呼，向你舉雙手，向你揚聲高唱，哈利路亞！
因你喜悅我們，是我的力量榮耀，願在光明中與你同行。

我要歡呼，向你舉雙手，向你揚聲高唱，哈利路亞！
你是我的主宰，誰能與我的神相比，我一生向你俯伏敬拜。

Be an Eagle

The message today is so powerful. He's humorous, but why tears kept running?

Holy spirit, always remind me to live like an eagle.

Dear Jesus, thanks for saving me from "chicken life" ! Help me think like you, speak like you. Help me be faithful to your Words. Amen.

A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom

主啊，我觉得离你远。还好让我看到卢云，原来2002年的时候，我就是读他的书过来的。

The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom

仿佛每个属灵的伟人都要经过仿佛被神弃绝的黑暗，才能获得重生的自由。被弃绝的痛苦无法诉说，获得重生的喜悦也是如此。如同约伯，C.S. Lewis。而两者之间对上帝的质问反而变成信心的源泉，多么奇妙！

主啊，你也是如此！！！所以你能带我出黑暗，入光明！引领我！