Home tonight

Dear Heavenly Father,

I read "the Prodigal Son" and "the Prodigal God" last week. I know clearly that I've been out of the long and dark tunnel.  Thank you!


"Healing begins when, in the face of our own darkness, we recognize our helplessness and surrender our need for control.......we face what is, and we ask for mercy." Thank you for taking away my straw that I always want to clutch at.  I know you have listened to my prayer.

In Nouwen's book, he mentioned: Isn't it true that there are times for me, as in the life of the younger son, when I simply need to go off for a while? I believe you love each of me a daughter or a son who is leaving and returning constantly.  The more I become sensitive to my own journey the more I realize that I'm leaving and coming back every day, every hour.  My mind wanders away but eventually return; my heart leaves in search of affection and returns sometimes broken; my body get carried away in its desires then sooner or later return.  It's never one dramatic life moment but a constant series of departures and returns.

The most important thing is: I've come back! and I come back without fear because of your unconditional love! I will stay home tonight, tomorrow and forever!

Help me write a story of the elder son.  I'm more like him!

My face is a mask I order to say nothing
About the fragile feelings hiding in my soul.
Quotation from "Home Tonight".

警醒片时

Dear Jesus,

你的恩典诉说不尽！

坐在祷告会中，深感自己的自私，特别是对HHP，活该他不理我。还有今天来祷告会，也很自私，不是为了亲近你，而是为了自己好受些。

只有在自己不行的时候，才会低头，才会放手。然而，当我说我愿意顺服你的带领，我心里真的顺服么？

原谅我仍然做不出宣告式的祷告，大声说我要警醒祷告，我只有说不出来的叹息。

又是那首歌：

当转眼仰望耶稣，定睛在你奇妙慈容
在你荣耀恩典大光中，世俗事必要显为虚空

求你的灵不离弃我，求你加增我心对你的渴慕。

复活

Dear Jesus,

复活节那几天，是熬过来的，你知道。

受难日的晚上，我迈不出那一步，去背十字架。我也不能回答那个问题——我愿意与你同死么?只有坐在那里默默流泪，觉得自己真没用，真不配！

我是刚出埃及没有水喝就发怨言的以色列人，我是有丈夫却一再找情人的歌篾，我是匆匆逃往他施的约拿，我也是三次不认你的彼得。

我深知自己是硬着颈项的人，这一段时间一直不愿低头。我用自己的方法折腾，并没有得到平安。所有的怨气，最终都是指向你。

然而，你并没有按照我应得的对待我——你让摩西的杖打出甜美泉水给我喝，你让何西阿不离不弃一次次把我寻回，你让蓖麻叶生长只为我遮荫，鸡叫三声你看我的眼神并没有丝毫责备。

感谢在你复活的主日和Songsong一起低下头来祷告。这一次没有眼泪，我只想复活！

我不喜欢心里有苦毒的自己，帮助我！